I have suffered from pretty severe spells of agoraphobia in the past. Most recently, from about a year ago, I mostly stopped leaving my house. Approximately eight months ago I completely stopped leaving my house under all circumstances. About 6 months ago, I refused to leave my bedroom until my parents left the house.
What was I scared of?
Help me. But don't look at me.
Source.Everything. Though I can logically infer that there is nothing to be scared of, I can't emotionally infer that fact. I can reasonably see how there's nothing fearsome about the public, but if you so much as look at me-not look at me wrong, just look at me-I may have a panic attack. It's not rational, and even having been on medication, I still struggle with leaving the house. Every time I leave, I am in a state of hyper-alertness. This hair is out of place, my skirt is too short, after scanning the entire room and analyzing every other females looks...I look the worst, I CAN'T BREATHE, there's probably a gas leak in here, we'll all die in here and my obituary will say "she was the ugliest one in the club..."
Even after my imaginary death, I'm still stressin'.
But this is the exact hyper-alertness that gives way to a different angle on travel reporting. If a person who was alert of every single weird, strange, bizarre, interesting, beautiful, ugly, or suspect thing they encountered, how in-depth would their report be?
If I'm being honest, I first got the idea of being a travel writer only a few months ago, back in July 2009. I was still sequestered in my house, pre-medication, still a college drop-out who had planned to travel around volunteering like I had the December before in NOLA but had yet to cure my agoraphobia which kept me attached to a certain ex-codependent-member-of-my-life the whole trip and also kept me in my house the whole year. I was terrified of the economy and thereby constantly brainstorming get-rich-quick schemes and "I can't believe I didn't think of that"-type-ideas...not because I was scared of landing myself in money trouble, but because people might judge me if I didn't reveal something brilliant after dropping out and not getting a job.
While pacing back and forth in a room by myself, trying to come up with something, I was distracted by an advertisement for a movie based on a blog which was about a woman cooking her way through a Julia Child cookbook and blogging about it. I went to that woman's blog. Woman was ballin'.
That's when it hit me. (I apologize for that corny line, but it had to be done) What if I made a blog about me working my way through agoraphobia by traveling? I mean, wouldn't that at least be mildly interesting? A woman who is terrified of what's beyond her mailbox hopping those death traps people call airplanes, trusting her precious luggage with people who inevitably will loot her and landing in some place where they'll probably all hate her (or so she thinks)? Just her having to deal with that would be an intriguing premise alone, I think.
And I really believed in this idea. I even signed up for this online travel writing course offered by the
nytimes, but I canceled before the first day when I got an e-mail that I'd have to interact with other students and writers online because they'd all probably judge me. I then applied for a bunch of jobs/internships but never responded to the responses because once I went in for the interview they'd probably just stare at how worn out my boots are.
Eventually I just took medicine (despite my fear of medicine) because I was probably going to die anyway so if I did I would want to have had a significant hand in it. Months later, from an infinitely better place than I ever was before though still struggling every day to show my face in public, I have resolved to once again take up my dream of traveling to sort out my condition fully by means of "exposure" to what I'm afraid of. Hopefully I make it past that mailbox.
If you are suffering inside your house/room/apartment and unable to leave:
this may help.
What are you scared of? Do your fears prevent you from traveling? Do you think I'll ever make it past that mailbox?
That's when it hit me. (I apologize for that corny line, but it had to be done) What if I made a blog about me working my way through agoraphobia by traveling? I mean, wouldn't that at least be mildly interesting? A woman who is terrified of what's beyond her mailbox hopping those death traps people call airplanes, trusting her precious luggage with people who inevitably will loot her and landing in some place where they'll probably all hate her (or so she thinks)? Just her having to deal with that would be an intriguing premise alone, I think.
Comments (11)
I am afraid of a lot of things. My fear of roaches is probably the biggest one. I will forgo taking a showering, eating, and drinking water if I see a roach in the room. I have gotten slightly better since having my son. I can't let him starve b/c I can't be rational. I am afraid of getting lost in my car, I am afraid of strangers, of being judge, I really could go on. The best way to deal with fears is to not give in to them. Most of them time the things people are afraid of won't kill them, but always giving into your fears means that you can potentially miss out on a lot of life.
im xenophobic.
i always think a stranger is out to get me.
I don't have phobias... oh wait. I'm scared of sharks. I don't want to be a snack to one while surfing. And I like to travel to places where there are great beaches and awesome surfs.
I'm terrified of parasites(like, food parasites, or bite-caused parasites), and that is the main thing that I'm afraid will keep me from traveling to third-world countries to help those in need.
Fears =/= Phobia
@cutesycharm@xanga - didn't realize my post came off as implying that, believe me - I'm well versed in the nuance of phobia...I only asked "what are your fears" and if your fears kept you from traveling so as to allow a broader range of replies as opposed to just asking "are you agoraphobic?" presumably, most people on a travel blog are not.
@Heatherwhoelse@xanga - been there my friend =/
@greenbird321@xanga - awww that really sux man, but I believe there are shots/vaccines you can take before you leave to help you. also, just read on this website: "Ten years ago, you might have been at higher risk for parasite
infections when traveling to another country. Today, you may be at
higher risk to infection by staying home."
food for thought =)
@Erika_Steele@xanga - preach!! lol YES, I believe I've finally reached a place where my desire to live is stronger than my fear.
I had a phobia of thunderstorms my whole life. It can be immobilizing. Especially for me in the summer when thunderstorms occur more often and more dangerous. Unfortunately for me, my phobia of storms started when I feared fireworks. Then after my house got hit by lightning three times while I was there, the fear of storms eventually worsened and I would fear going anywhere, including leaving my house if I knew there was a storm coming.
This past summer I went to a concert with some friends knowing there was a storm coming, but there was nothing I could do about it. I was stranded in the middle of a field waiting in line to get into the show, it was maybe six o'clock, the sky was soo black it could have passed for nine.
As the lightning flashed, we put our ponchos on and the quilt over our heads, and it started to downpour. I was having a panic attack under the blankets as the lightning hit around us and the thunder was soo loud, I tried to convince my friends to run back to the car, but they refused. There was nothing I could do but just ride it out, and I did.
And I'm glad I did, because they only way you can overcome your fear or phobia, is by coming to terms with it, not avoid it. Now, five months later, I have no anxiety when I know there's a thunderstorm coming. Because I know now that everything will be okay, and there's nothing to fear.
Both me and my Bf are scared of Planes, it crashing,flaming up,tearing apart, all those random reasons u see on news and Movies, it scared the freak out of me when i watched a horrifying movie of a plane tearing apart with people inside screaming and crying. I dont know how my bf became afraid of plane though i think it's because he's afraid of heights a pretty simple reason, i am also scared often of being judged, and of course alone with a stranger confronting me my mind would freeze even though i want to run, i feel weird a lot of my friends just scream when they're scared but i just freeze and my mind just keeps thinking of random ideas to get away, i think screaming would be a good way to alert people but, i just dont have the instincts to scream anymore, but there are many ways to get over the fear of things, but they often come back =\ i hate it when that happens, sometimes keeping ur mind off of it helps, think of happy things, and try to stay positive, okay well maybe no one can stay positive when they have a panic attack, my friends sometimes almost have a panic attack if they get a C because we're not aloud to get anything below a A in Chinese family or there's consequences, but be happy life is always fairer than death, that what i keep in mind