Monday, 31 August 2009
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Survival Battle: Bear Grylls vs Les Stroud
Man vs Wild Survivorman
VS 
Who are these two men you say? Well... they are just the most badass mofos ever to walk the earth, third to just Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee! How could you not know Bear Grylls and Les Stroud starring in two of the best shows on the Discovery Channel, Man vs Wild and Survivorman.
The goal on their show is to get dropped off in remote locations around the world and teach viewers how to survive. Obviously both have a different approach on how to survive or they wouldn't each get a show. Bear Grylls sky dives to his location and with his film crew tracks the land looking for a way to get rescued, while drinking yellow water he made himself. Les Stroud on the other hand, gets dropped off along with camera gear and has seven days to survive before getting picked up by his crew, while showing you how to survive if you had a broken arm, but then scraping the idea after figuring out how hard it was to survive with just one arm.
They've traveled far and wide to many parts of the world around every continent. Bear Grylls was injured during an expedition in Antarctica, not for the show, but for charity, but what would happen if, for some idiotic chance, the studios(studio head heads can be pretty stupid, *ahem* Tom Rothman) accidentally dropped these two in the same location and they bumped into each other. What would they do?
Man vs. Wild vs. Survivorman
Bear Grylls: Hey, look at this. It's a dead Zebra. Must have been dead for about a couple days. Cut... You guys think it's good to eat? Didn't one of you guys bring a Survivor Guide for Douchebags?
Crew: Beats us Bear, we just film you. It does smell bloody awful. You sure it's only a couple days old?
Bear: No, but what hell.. Action! So this looks safe to eat. Let me get my knife and move these crawly buggers to the side and cut here. Mmmm.. That is good....
Crew: *Barf
In runs in a man from the shadows.
Les Stroud: What the hell are you guys doing here, eh? You know you're not supposed to eat that, you'll get sick to your stomach.
Bear: Well, well, well, to what I owe the queen's pleasure? If it isn't the pikey himself.
Les: Hey watch it, or I'll slice you with my multi-tool. What are you and your boys doing in my turf. My cameras are already set up and filming me walking ten meters.
Bear: I was going to ask you the same bloody question. We have an assignment to film here, so why don't you take your cameras back to Canada.
Les: What are you talking about? I was sent here to Peru to survive so why don't you take your pretty boy arse and crew back to England.
Bear: Peru? Blimey! then what did I just eat?
Les: That was a rotting Llama retard.
Bear: Llama huh? Anyway go home, no one likes your boring show. You are frankly too depressing for my taste. All you do is whine, I need food, I need water, what a Nancy boy. Step aside and let a real man show the viewers how to survive.
Les: Hmm... Does a real man sleep at the Pines Resort when he should be sleeping in the tepee he made himself? Come to think of it, at least I don't drink my own lemon juice and eat berries from bear turd.
Les starts playing his harmonica
Bear: Better my lemon juice than your homo milk. Is that harmonica all you can do? You can't build a raft, kill wild animals, or climb glaciers or mountains tops. Hell, if you do climb, you would have to go back and get your bleeding cameras after you have filmed yourself climbing up.
Bear laughs hysterically.Les: Yeah, laugh it off pretty boy. At least I'm real and surviving on my own. I can't get magically cleaned up after jumping in quicksand or sleeping in a belly of a Camel. I'm surviving the real and right way and not drink piss or eat wet brownies.
Bear: To hell you are. You look like crap after you're done with your seven days then you scream like a little pansy. I bet you would not last one more day if you wanted to. At least my crew and I try to show the viewers how to find rescue. Building a better raft than that bastard Tom Hanks.Les: Well, I don't drink piss or eat doo doo butter.
Bear: You know what, what don't we forget this whole thing and combine the two shows together. "Survivorman vs Wild" Batman and Robin. The Green Hornet and Kato. What do you say? We'll be the worst thing to mother nature. Wild animals beware.
Les: There would be no more lost reports or remote locations because everyone would be able to survive because of us. Lets do it.
The two jump in front of the cameras for a freeze frame ending like an 80's action movie, but it didn't occur to them it was a cliff they jumped off of. Miraculously, Bear was supported by kung fu movie fish lines and stopped avoiding dropping to his death. While Les well placed cameras filmed him falling to certian death at the end of his final seven days and was caught by a person with a flying jet pack.
Which show do you think is better? Man vs Wild or Survivorman?
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Comments (14)
I love survivorman alot more. Bear makes it very obvious that sometimes, they plant animals infront of him, to say what to do around them, which is cool but doesn't feel so...authentic.
Whereas Les Stroud, being alone with cameras (Which means working alone, back n forth setting up cameras), has shown every emotion you'd really feel in those environments, like the time he didn't eat for four days, got fish, memorable line "F#$% it, I'm too damn hungry to talk" and commercial.
For some reason, seeing failure at that rate is more satisifying and informative than seeing a guy occasionally eat something on the way, and move constantly. Showing professionals can be unsuccesful like that, much better in my taste, and seeing Les on the beach surviving..even I feel like I could survive there for a week.
Les Stroud would win in a survival battle, hands down.
The trend I've noticed is that idiots and the Brits prefer Bear, people in and near Canada prefer Les, and people in neither area don't really care. There's a recurring discussion on Reddit about these two men, and that trend shows its head time and time again.
The fact that Bear sleeps in a hotel between shootings and is given candy bars by his camera crew is enough to tell me he wouldn't last a day over Les. Grylls does some interesting and funny survival gimmicks, but they're probably going to kill the average person.
hello,
outstanding.
great going.
regards.
trulytito
(tito dutta)
Haha, my boyfriend and I fight about this. He likes Bear because of his military history. I like Les because of his sincerity and I think his tips are a lot more applicable.
Survivorman.
Hands down.
Man vs Wild is just... ugh. So obviously planned.
Okay, they're both planned, but Les is on his own, as opposed to Bear and his lackeys- errrr I mean cameramen-, and therefore has a greater challenge.
To quote Icecold4u, "...like the time he didn't eat for four days, got fish, memorable line 'F#$% it, I'm too damn hungry to talk'...seeing failure at that rate is more satisifying and informative than seeing a guy occasionally eat something on the way, and move constantly."
I love Man vs. Wild and I don't care what anyone says! I like both Bear Grylls and Les Stroud. Their shows are awesome. Bear Grylls is just more entertaining. That's just my two cents.
BEARGRYLLS
I Dont Watch Tv, Im Too Busy Surviving Against The Wild >.>
i've only ever watched Survivor Man, so i'm more on a biased opinion.
@HungLho@xanga - i thought you wrote that you were busy surviving the world LOL!
@retardtm@xanga - But Aint This World Just One Big Wild Beast That We Must All Conquer? And When I Say Conquer I Dont Mean Like, "Taking Over The World"
@HungLho@xanga - yes it is! because we face many difficulties in this world, and ways of going around it is by "conquering" it.
Bear is a fake and a liar. The fact they had to re-edit the show and admit they lied about how much help he gets is pathetic. It's more like "Man vs Holiday Inn with Wifi"
Regarding authenticity, I would prefer Les Stroud hands down. Filming your own survival adventures is something extraordinary to do proven by the fact that Les quoted that that was the main reason that he quit making more episodes. Filming was taking a great physical toll on his energy. Bear's antics would land a man deeper in trouble than ever if someone found himself in a survival situation.
Bear would win in a knife fight.
Nuff said.