Tuesday, 21 July 2009
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Love and Backpacking: Did You Pack Your Heart And Leave It Behind?
post by Dolce of Art of Backpacking
@ZyphareA few months ago, I read a great article by one of the females on Matador Network. “How Being Apart Can Strengthen A Relationship” had some great tips on how couples can deal with the distance of being apart. Regardless of whether or not you are in the situation, its interesting to discuss some good points she made.
“It’s important to miss someone, to reflect on what they contribute to your life and how their absence affects you- good and bad.”
Absolutely! This is vital when it comes to finding that balance in your life. It's not about crying by your phone every night because your lives are so different for the time being, but instead understanding that this is a something you can’t change. This was your significant others choice and life fulfillment and there is no greater gift to that person than understanding why they need to do this. You will have good days and bad, but its about accepting this roller coaster and finding a way to adjust to it, rather than freaking out about it. Remember the good times and look forward to hearing about their stories abroad!
“And while you’ve already got the easy part of the equation (being the one leaving is always easier than being left behind) it’s still a tricky road to navigate.”
Although it is hard to be left behind and I have personal experience in that department, it is not any easier for the person leaving as well! I can honestly give justice to the backpackers who are making this huge life decision to travel the world. For them, they are not only saying goodbye to their lover, but to all of their loved ones: Mothers, Fathers, Siblings, Friends. For us back home, it is one person we miss dearly, but for them, its a lot more! (I got this word of advice from a very wise woman) To look into someones eyes and capture that last moment at the airport before finally departing is a heart wrenching experience, but one the backpacker chose to make and is hard to grasp. They get thrown right into the pit! At least we get to go home and cry with our family; they are going right on that plane alone!
One point I’d like to contribute and would add to her great points is being on the same page as the person. This all depends on a lot of things: How long you’ve been going out? What is the value of your relationship? What are you agreeing on? If you are disillusioned and unsure its worth discussing. Its a scary discussion to have but its best to know how to treat the situation and how you should act while the other person is away. If you must, agree to disagree and come back to the topic. The person is already miles away there is no sense in beating a topic down when you the fact of the matter is you barely talk to them already!
Its always best to always be honest and discuss things with your significant other, no matter what the case may be! Its a difficult situation, but anything can happen. Everyone is different so its all about what is right for you.
Have you been in a very long distance relationship? How did you manage? What happened when the trip was over?
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Comments (3)
This is so wonderful. Thank you for your service and kindness, it was
much appreciated. In addition to my gratitude, I would like to share
with you a story of Lori Silverbush. Lori Silverbush is pregnant. Mazel
tov to the happy mother to be, but a lot of people are wondering just
who in the dickens she is and why they should pay attention. Lori
Silverbush is wife to one Tom Colicchio, one of the judges on Top Chef
on the Bravo network, one of the most popular competitive cooking
reality shows. (Although a person who has ever worked in a kitchen
won't find those shows realistic.) She is an independent filmmaker,
credited with two entries at IMDB, Mental Hygiene and On the Outs. The
couple married in 2001. Happy news for Lori
Silverbush, may she never need to visit payday
loan companies.
Anyone can gap year travel around the world they don't have to leave family and love ones.
I spent a year working and traveling in Australia. I met and had an amazing 6 1/2 months with my Australian boyfriend. He took me flying in his 2-seater, we traveled, camped, and explored local islands as well as the city.
Before I knew it my time was coming to an end. I had to decide if I wanted to stay and apply for the expensive resident visa or go home like I had originally planned. I decided to come home and before I knew it I was States bound.
We didn't talk much about what our up-coming separation meant and what we each expected out of the relo. I had horrible reverse culture shock from being out of Oz in general and missing my bf heaps. He didn't seem to understand what I was going through and live communication wasn't easy with a 15 hour time difference.
My trust in him started to fade and the "I love you's" and "I miss you's" became less and less. Nearly 4 months after coming home we finally called it quits. Even though in reality the relationship was over quite a while before that.
A month later I am much happier than I was when still together with him but back in the States. I hope to be friends with him again some day soon. I love the memories we have and what an amazing experience living in Australia and dating him was.
I don't think a relationship can get any more long distance than US/Australia. The hardest part was knowing I couldn't get a hug from him when I needed one most and not knowing if I would ever see him again.
I focused on the realization that if our relationship was meant to be that we would make it work but if we weren't meant to be we would fall apart. It didn't work out this time, but I am ok with that.