Thursday, 25 June 2009

• Things I Have Noticed that Asians Do...Part Two

  

  
  Family
  

  Everyone is considered one big freaking family. 
  

  My mothers coworker is an “auntie,”  my mothers best friend is another “auntie,” my dads guy friends are all “uncles,” and the old lady across the street is a “popo (grandmother).” 
  

  This may seem weird and a tad bit embarrassing. 
  

  My dad was driving my two friends and I to school one morning when he said (in his Chinese-accented-English) “Auntie Penelope will pick you guys up from school today.” 
  

  My friends gave each other confused looks.
  

  Who the hell was Auntie Penelope??? 
  

  I had to explain to them that "Auntie Penelope" was actually Mrs. Carol…my mother...
  

  
  

  Giving/receiving of gifts

  It is sometimes customary to bring along a gift or something when visiting one’s home. 
  

  This gift is usually a.)  cookies or b.) fruit.   
  

  When someone hands you a gift, push it away and say “No no no no no!  You shouldn’t!”  The gift giver will push the gift towards you and say “just take it! It’s the least I could do!  Take it! Take it! Take it!”  you will respond with “no, REALLY.  You shouldn’t have!”  Then the gift giver will say “Please, take it!  Share it with everyone!”  Reply with “Well…Okay…only if you insist!” and take the gift. 

  Another kind of gift is the financial kind…aka money. 
  

  Every once in a while especially during lunar new year, people (usually the elderly) will give out red envelopes to young people.  Inside these red envelopes are where you will usually find the moola. 
  

  In my experiences, when someone attempts to give me a red envelope, my parents automatically intervene and say “no no no no! you shouldn’t!  you really shouldn’t!”  then the giver will say “Take it! Take it! Please take it! It’s only a little bit!”  Then my parents will say “no, you shouldn’t!” and they will push away the red envelope.  The giver will push it back towards me. 
  

  This launches into a mini argument which usually ends with the giver stuffing the red envelope into my hand and quickly walking away with my parents chasing after… but when I get home and open the red envelope, I find $50.  So much for “it’s only a little bit”…

  
  

  Modesty

  When my mother invites other Asian people over for dinner, she freaks out. 
  

  She spends the day before the gathering shopping for large amounts of food.  Then, she comes back home and starts cooking everything.  Say this gathering of Asian people is taking place Saturday night…she will start cooking Friday morning and cook cook cook all the way up to Saturday night. 
  

  But no no no!  It’s not just the taste of the food that needs to be perfect!  They way the food is presented needs to be perfect, too.  My mother will arrange the food in different bowls in different layouts and ask me which looks better. 
  

  My answer? 
  

  “Mom…it’s food.” 
  

  Once she picks out the perfect look and hangs up her cooking apron, the guests have already arrived.  One of the first things they say is “My, everything looks wonderful! There’s so much food!  You must have spent a long time preparing these!” 
  

  My mothers answer? 
  

  “No no no, everything was very easy!  Sorry, there aren’t a lot of dishes here but please help yourself!  And sorry about the quality too…I didn’t try my hardest.  Please, eat!” 
  

  
  

  Free stuff
  

  This one I’m not sure applies to most people…but I know it definitely applies to me, and I just felt so compelled to write about it. 
  

  My refrigerator has about 3 calendars on its door advertising some Asian bank.  These were, of course, free. 
  

  Whenever my family goes on trips that require staying at a hotel, my parents always ALWAYS collect the complimentary shampoos/conditioners/bar soaps/shower caps/slippers/toothbrushes/toothpaste/Lipton tea packets. 
  

  In fact, my mother has a huge plastic bag full of itsy bitsy sample-sized half-full complimentary toiletries that are probably a little more or less than 15 years old. 
  

  I asked her “mom, why do we still have these?” 
  

  Her answer? 
  

  “They might come in handy, you know.”

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