Thursday, 18 June 2009
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Things Asians Do, Explained
I am an American born Chinese (ABC, ya'll, ABC!) subjected to both American culture AND Asian culture. Although I am used to the way my parents/Asian friends of parents/elderly Asian people do things around here, I can see how it can be perceived as weird for a non-Asian.
So thank me in advance, because YOUR school won't teach you how this all goes down. ;)Meals
At the beginning of breakfast/lunch/dinner/any type of meal, everyone will first stare at the food. Then, one person usually says in a loud voice (in Chinese, mind you) “EVERYBODY DIG IN! DON’T BE EMBARRASSED!” Of course, then everyone responds with “OKAY OKAY OKAY.”
But instead of starting to eat, everyone usually turns to their neighbor on the left and says “YOU EAT FIRST!” The neighbor will reply with “NO, YOU EAT FIRST!” This results in a three minute mini-argument over who’s going to eat first, which usually resorts to one of the arguers reaching over, grabbing food with their chopsticks, and putting the hunk of duck on their neighbors plate. Then this receiving neighbor wave her chopsticks around while screaming, “I CAN DO IT MYSELF! I CAN DO IT MYSELF!”
This constant bickering about who eats what and how someone gets the food will last around two minutes. So it usually takes around five to seven minutes into the actual meal before someone eats something.
At the end of a meal (in a restaurant), prepare yourself: a fight WILL break out. And what must this fight be about?
The Bill
Yes. All Asian people will fight over The Bill until they die.
I have personally witnessed a 65 year old disabled Asian woman purposely stick her cane out in the middle of the aisle to trip an Asian man who was running to the cashier in the front of the restaurant to pay the bill.
Potlucks
I am Asian. Therefore, I have been to my fair share of Asian potlucks.
To survive one of these Asian potlucks (I usually go with my parents), I will recommend that when the host/hostess of the potluck announces “EVERYBODY DIG IN! DON’T BE EMBARRASSED!”… don’t ACTUALLY do it.
I’m telling you, it’s a lie!
This is because NOBODY will be willing to be the first person to line up for food, and if YOU are the first person in line (and you are between the ages of 10-60) either your parents will give you a good spanking and a lecture about "saving face" when you get home, or you will become the talk of the Asian community about your lack of humbleness.
So usually, after five minutes of everyone standing around the food not actually attempting to pick up a plate and get any, someone will yell out “LITTLE KIDS FIRST!” and everyone will nod their heads (because everyone’s so hungry) and push all the people who look 20 years or younger up to the line. If you happen to be pushed up to the line, smile politely and decline. I guarantee that you will be pushed into the line with the hands of elderly people, AND people will go tell your parents “what a lovely daughter/son” you are.
Okay, good job for coming this far!
You are now holding a paper plate and standing in line to get rice out of the rice cooker. If you are lucky, there will be nobody at the rice cooker waiting to serve you rice so you can get whatever amount of rice you please.
But sometimes, you won’t be so lucky. It is during these times that you must keep in mind that “a little bit, please” translates to “I’M VERY HUNGRY FEED ME” in the Asian mind.
Therefore, be prepared to finish a big pile of rice that is twice the size of your face.
Entering a Home
When you visit an Asian person’s house, be prepared to take off your shoes upon entering.
So before visiting, remember to either wear sandals or put on normal looking socks that DON’T have cartoon characters on them.
After you take off your shoes, the host/hostess will INSIST that you “SIT DOWN! DON’T BE EMBARRASSED!” If you try to be a good humble Asian and reject the offer and keep standing, the host/hostess will pester you more. This pestering can last up to a good three minutes, and it usually ends with the host/hostess grabbing your arm and plopping you down into a chair.
But if you decide to just make yourself comfortable and sprawl onto a chair upon entrance to the home, the host/hostess will become flustered, ask you if you want a drink, and go back to the kitchen to continue cooking.
There are many other things I have noticed that Asians do, too much to cover in one night :) So I will try to continue this some other time!
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- From: noree_n@xanga
- Name: Noreen
- About Me: Even though my name sounds like it would belong to a 95-year-old great-grandmother, I can personally guarantee you that I am nowhere even close to being 30.
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Comments (30)
That shrimp rice looks SOOOOO good.
ahah true ^__^
CBC ! chinese born canadian :)
i totally understand!!! that's why whenever it comes to family gatherings, my cousins and i play with our video games and pretend to stay focused while everyone's having the fight. then we wait till our parents put everything in our bowls and go "hey!!!u'd better eat la!!!everyone's finished soon!" XD"
the plethora of shoes at the door... a beautiful thing.
So true! My grandma always eats first, then uncles and aunts...
i liked the formatting on the original better
"I have personally witnessed a 65 year old disabled Asian woman purposely stick her cane out in the middle of the aisle to trip an Asian man who was running to the cashier in the front of the restaurant to pay the bill."
^^ ROFL! And that shrimp and rice looks sooo delicious! =)
so true! great post.
Oh I'm totally ABC and I totally broke ALL those rules! If there's food, I'm gonna grub. If the bill comes, I sit with my arms crossed, go ahead and help yourselves. Shoes? What shoes? At home, my family BEGS me to wear shoes, no not because I have stinky feet... they wanted me to wear shoes so my feet will stop growing lol. But, you nailed almost everything about "traditional" asians haha.
Nice entry
About the bill. I will not fight for it. Let them pay for me since they are so eager to do so.
Being a Chinese living in Hong Kong myself, I agree with most of what you have said. But I think you are a bit exaggerating perhaps because you want to strengthen the impact of your essay.
lol, that is wonderfully written, well done
The Japanese families I stayed with seemed to have a more streamlined method. At the beginning of the meals everyone does a little bow and says something like itadaikimasu and then they all begin to eat at the same time. I will note that one is expected to be completely full, stuffed, and ready to explode before even thinking about trying to stop eating. Paying for the bill in a restaurant is tricky, like you said, but, the way it worked in Japan is that the younger people (grown working adult children) are sort of expected to pay but must first refuse the offer of the elders to pay three times. After three times I got to pay. Definately take the shoes off in all homes and in some nice businesses too, and don't show people the bottom of your feet with or without shoes.
Chinese are not all Asians.
Though I'm a Chinese myself.These seem to be more Chinese than any other Asian race.@black_lie@xanga - me too. haha!
Oh no, not this post again ;)
@choyshinglin@xanga - It's 'cause she's a teenager. :P
Sounds pretty true to me =P
Though personally I'm probably the first one to dig in =P
You can think of it as saving everybody else's embarrassment since I'm taking a hit to my own hahahaha.
You also missed out that if the meal looks particularly grand - everybody takes out their cameras to take a before and after shot ><
so true
@niez_cho@xanga - Well...I think there might just POSSIBLY be more Chinese people around since China is humongous, and they have an extremely large population as compared to other Asian countries.
Anyway-this post is hilarious. I usually sit and watch my family until they're finished fighting for the bill.
We recently installed a large "indoor porch" for my house for the sake of housing shoes XD
AHAHAH so true. Love it! Great post. :]
I don't know ...a bit of generalisation here
some don't apply to me at all
Hm.. 1. the bill thing and 2. the shoes applies to me for sure.
haha i'm also only familiar with the bill and shoe thing. everything else seem so extreme.
Your cases seem pretty extreme or maybe the people I hang out with are really mellow. When everyone says, "Everybody dig in!" we all dig in. There is some fighting over the bill, but usually it's whoever invites the group pays for the group. At potlucks, it's kids (which are usually, as you described, 20 or younger) and elderly first. Entering someone else's home, we always take off our shoes and the host always offers a drink, which we decline but end up being served anyway (it's usually water).