Tuesday, 14 April 2009

• Enter Massage Parlor, Come Out "Happy"?

  Lotus Mountain

  

  We went snowboarding at a place near Beijing called Lotus Mountain.  Damn, what a crappy place to snowboard, but renting all the gear was dirt cheap, around 10 US dollars.  It consisted of only one run and they salted the run or something because I tried to jump over a ramp, but it was almost impossible. Even if I went straight down from the top, I still couldn't get over the measly little ramp.
  
  We left Lotus Mountain. I had a good idea to get massages so we wouldn't be sore the next day.  My friend agreed.  We went into a hotel and asked if they had massage service, and they did. 

  The gentleman told us to follow him and he took us through this door and down the stairs.  The room was dark with a red glow.  Not your typical massage style lighting, but to each his own, I guess. 

  We waited in the room and the gentleman brought back two massage therapists.  The one on the right was a big boned female and the one on the left was a smaller female about ten times smaller than the one on the right, had nice facial features, and huge eyes. I really wanted the bigger one on the right because my back was killing me, but I was told to follow the female to the left and my friend followed the right.  God dammit, I thought.
  
  We were then seperated into seperate rooms.  I didn't know why.  Wouldn't we be wearing towels? 

  Anyway, I was told to lay down onto the bed, flat on my stomach, while she works on my back.  She worked from my shoulders down to my lower back and my arms and hands.  She had me turn over and started on my chest area.  I had my eyes closed and she was going lower, lower, and lower until she got so low, she got her hand slapped by me.

  "Hey! What are you doing?  That's cheating, you 're supposed to make the rest of my body feel good!"

  She tried to cop another feel.

  "Hey! What did I tell you?"

  "You sure?"

  "Yes, I'm sure!"

  "You want booty massage?" she asked.

  "What the heck is that?  Sounds disgusting."

  She clenched twins together.

  "Hmmm...no, thank you."
  
  I was done after that and my friend in the other room was also done.  We went to go pay for our session and got charged extra for no stupid reason.  Just because we didn't get their "happy ending" service?  Whatever, now I call these therapists, "the rapists".
  
  That was my experience trying of getting a massage in Beijing.  

  If you're not into "happy ending" massage parlor services either, try to keep a look out. I actually knew this was going to happen, but we couldn't find a legit place for miles.  Makes for a better story anyway. 
  
  Also watch out for hair salons (if you do want to watch out). Some of them aren't really hair salons.  You can spot them if the store reads "Happy Ending Nails."

  Have you had similar experiences or heard stories?

  • 11:57 PM
  • 10540 Views
  • 28 eProps
  • 21 Comments