Thursday, 05 March 2009

• My Adventures in Key West, Florida

  Guest post by prullmw
  
  I have arrived safely in Key West:
  
  

  

  The above photo was taken at the beginning of U.S. Route 1, which is indicated by mile marker 0 in Key West.  From here, Route 1 heads 2,377 miles north to its terminus at Fort Kent, Maine, at the Canadian border. 
  
  Breakfast consisted of a po-boy at Harpoon Harry's, a local diner.
  
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  Underneath all that sausage gravy is a couple of eggs, a slice of ham, and at least one english muffin.  Although delicious, my vascular system quietly said to me you got to be kidding before I ate the first bite:
  
  

  

  
  On the wall:
  
  

  

  
  I finished the po-boy, paid the bill, and departed.  I started walking west-southwest along Caroline Street.  Along the way, this intersection caught my eye:
  
  

  

  
  Look closer, at the side of the house:
  
  

  

  
  There's a plaque on the corner which made me laugh:
  
  

  

  
  This was the first of many amusing and eccentric signs that I encountered all throughout the city.  Here's another one: As I was walking south, I passed by this house...
  
  

  

    
  ...which has this plaque:
  
  

  

  
  Now it's micronation time!  Yup, time to visit the Conch Republic, whose motto is "we seceded where others failed."  From the Conch Republic website:
  
  The Conch Republic was established by secession of the Florida Keys from the United States of America, on April 23rd, 1982 in response to a United States Border Patrol Blockade setup on highway U.S. 1 at Florida City just to the north of the Florida Keys.  This heinous act effectively isolated Keys Citizens from the U.S. mainland since the blockade was on our only land artery to and from the mainland.  This roadblock portrayed Keys residents as non-U.S. citizens who had to prove their citizenship in order to drive onto the Florida mainland!  Hardly an American thing to do!

  We protested!  A totally American thing to do!  Key West Mayor Dennis Wardlow along with a few other 'key' Conchs, went to Federal court in Miami to seek an injunction to stop the federal blockade, but to no avail.  Upon leaving the Federal Court House, on the court house steps, Mayor Wardlow announced to the world, by way of the assembled TV crews and reporters, that "Tomorrow at noon the Florida Keys will secede from the Union!"

  At the Office of the Secretary General, at 405 Petronia St.:
  
  

  

  
  On the front porch:
  
  

  

  
  
  I rang the doorbell...
  
  

  

  
  ...but nobody answered.  The door was locked.  I then called the phone number listed on the sign and left a voice message, but my call was not returned.  So I sat down on the wicker chairs on the front porch and took advantage of their free wi-fi for a few minutes.  This is my kind of country: Free wi-fi throughout the entire republic!  However, I wondered whether my use of their wireless system could be be considered an instance of illegal international cyber-use.  Interpol did not arrive and I am not worried.
  
  The view from the Conch Republic porch consists of a fine panorama of 406 Petronia St.:
  
  

  

  
  A little further south along Duval St. and I get to the southernmost point in the continental USA, which is marked by a concrete structure shaped like a buoy on the corner of Whitehead and South streets:
  
  

  

  
  See, I don't understand this: Most of the time, people roll their eyes at me when I tell them about offbeat geography places like this, which I find interesting.  But then when I visit these places to see them for myself, I see lots of people there taking photos.  I am convinced that deep inside everyone there is a Concept Traveler waiting to jump out.  
  
  Proof that I was really there:
  
  

  

  
  Now, trying to do it one better.  Here I am again, this time south of the south-most marker:
  
  

  

   
  I noticed that about a quarter mile to the east there is a little pier that extends out even farther south than the marker, as verified by Sweetie:
  
  

  

  
  I think it's safe to say that at the end of this pier, for one brief and shining moment, I was the southernmost citizen on the continental USA.  I'm willing to bet that no one on continental USA soil was further south than me:
  
  

  

  
  Cuba is only 90 miles away:
  
  

  

  
  Nearby:
  
  

  

  
  Also nearby:
  
  

  

  
  Again, nearby:
  
  

  

  
  I guess that makes these people the continental USA's southernmost sunbathers?:
  
  

  

     
  I began to wonder how far the southernmost title could be extended.  What's the southernmost toilet in the USA?  The southernmost ant farm?  The southernmost potato chip factory?  These are questions that could be answered...but not by me.
  
  Up to Mallory Square:
  
  

  

  
  Looking out:
  
  

  

  
  Now, over to the Key West Cemetery for some fun:
  
  

  

  
  Most of the graves are above ground to protect the interred from floods:
  
  

  

  
  Lots of interesting personalities here.  For example, consider "General" Abe Sawyer...
  
  

  

  
  ...who was a midget whose dying wish was to be entombed in a normal-sized casket.  You'll always be six feet tall to me, General Sawyer:
  
  

  

  
  Now Thomas Romer, who lived to be 108 years of age but the inscription says that he was a "good citizen for 65 years."  What kind of citizen was Mr. Romer for the remaining 43 years?:
  
  

  

  
  At this mausoleum...
  
  

  

  
  ...we have Gloria Russell, whose inscription reads "I'm just resting my eyes":
  
  

  

  
  On this same mausoleum is my favorite grave marker, that of B. P. Roberts, a local hypochondriac.  Note his inscription:
  
  

  

  
  Here's Edwina Lariz's grave:
  
  

  

  
  Note what it says at the bottom:
  
  

  

  
  Roosters run free in Key West:
  
  

  

  
  Stopping in the local watering hole.  This one is a Key West institution:
  
  

  

  
  There are business cards and bras in the rafters.  I wondered whether I would end up drinking the night away with some barfly named Slappy:
  
  

  

   
  I wasn't crazy about this place, so I headed south to the Green Parrot Bar which my friend Harold recommended.  I liked this place better:
  
  

  

  
  Once inside, I called Harold to tell him I arrived.  Here is what Harold saw through the bar's webcam:
  
  

  

  
  Later, back at Mallory Square, a veggie wrap dinner at the Sunset Pier Restaurant to make up for the heart attack breakfast:
  
  

  

  
  The street performers are emerging on Mallory Square and crowds are growing in size to witness the sunset:
  
  

  

  
  Bye bye sun:
  
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  Such a nice sunset, intimately witnessed with a thousand other tourists crowding the waterfront.  I looked carefully for the green flash that can occur in sunsets like this that go down right on the horizon, but I can't say I saw a green flash for certain. 
  
  Harold told me about a place called the Garden of Eden, a clothing-optional bar where you can watch the sunset naked.  I didn't do that, of course, but if there was a place to do such a thing, it could be found only here in Key West.

  Have you been to Key West, Florida or ever plan to? 

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