Friday, 09 January 2009
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A Guide to Kissing in Europe
by Anne 
One of the things I had to master while living in Europe was the kiss greeting. In the United States, a handshake is a good enough greeting and easy enough to learn, put out your hand, they take it, give it an up and down shake, and let go. But the Europeans do it differently with their kissing ritual. It's not bad, just different.
I first started going along with their customs because I wanted to mix in with the locals, but I ran into many difficulties. I'd accidently touch lips wtih someone (ew), or bump noses (ouch), or do that weird side to side thing with my head until the other person and I reached an agreement on which side to kiss first. It was so awkward not knowing exactly what to do.
Not only that, each country seemed to vary in kissing rules. And not everyone in every country does it so you have to learn as you go along. I wish I had a guide to tell me what to do while I was there so I could prevent some of the many embarrassing mishaps from happening to me.
Well, lucky readers, I'm here to provide you with A Guide to European Kissing Etiquette from Blistex! This guide will tell you IF you kiss, When to kiss, and HOW to kiss. Read on:
FRANCE
For the French, kissing is a way of life and multiple kisses are normal. Paris adopted a four kiss greeting years ago and has stuck to it. The sequence is left cheek first--always. In Brittany they follow a three kiss routine and in most other parts of France they restrict themselves to a restrained two kiss greeting. The exception is the Cte d'Azur where a five or six kissing pattern is not unusual.
NETHERLANDS
In the Netherlands, you always begin and end your kissing on the same cheek. Three kisses are expected, but if you are greeting an elderly or close member of the family, add a few more to show your affection. Right cheek first is the rule.
ITALY
Kissing is restricted to very close friends or family in Italy. The number of kisses is optional and as there are no rules regarding which cheek to kiss first, there are frequent and sometimes painful clashes. Hugs and handshakes are good alternatives for friends.
BELGIUM
If you are about the same age as the person you are greeting, one kiss is the rule in Belgium. For someone at least ten years older than you are, then three kisses is seen as a mark of respect. This could be hazardous -- especially if you are not good at judging ages!
SPAIN, AUSTRIA and SCANDINAVIA
Spain, Austria and Scandinavia are each content with the two kisses ritual. In Spain the rule is strictly right cheek first.
GERMANY
Germany tends to restrict kissing to family and very close friends. Handshakes predominate and all meetings begin and end with this formality.
UK
In the UK kissing is only just being extended outside of family and friends. Somewhat shy of physical contact, the British have tended to opt for a handshake or nod as the safest form of greeting. In today's less formal environment, "Hi!" or "How are you?" is a way of avoiding physical contact. But it must be remembered that when the British ask how you are they don't expect you to tell them.
I lived in Spain for a while and I can tell you this guide is right about the two-kiss ritual and kissing strictly on the right side first. I had to learn this the hard way, but you don't have to!
Are there any customs from other countries you find strange or interesting? Have you ever had to learn any new customs while travelling?
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About the Author
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- From: anne
- Name: anne
- About Me: Age: 27, Location: New York, NY Favorite places I've visited: Trick question! I've been to so many amazing places, but if I absolutely had to pick, I'd settle on a couple places to shorten the list. Madrid, Spain because that's where I did my study abroad program when I was 18 and it was there that the travel bug bit me so hard it left a scar. I haven't been the same since. And Vietnam. That's where my family is from. Although, I'm Vietnamese American, I never actually visited Vietnam until I was 26. It was an awesome experience to learn about my family's history and I was quite pleased to show off my vietnamese language skills to the locals. It's quite a big deal for an american-born.
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Comments (41)
Hmmm, interesting, I've lived in Europe all my life and travelled all over but never really paid attention to the kissing etiquettes. I'm now thinking that I may have been quite rude to quite a lot of people. Oops.
I've been in the Uk for about a year now, and have yet to see any kissing between people other than family or couples. I think it is true that the Brits are a bit stand-offish in demeanor, and can be uptight about things in general (British humor? I just don't find half of it at all funny!). What they do use for a greeting, however, is one thing they do that I had to get used to when I came here from the US: at least here in the North, they say 'Alright?' and like the guide up above said, they don't always expect a response. It's more a way of saying hi. And though no one else I asked agreed, one of my friends here eventually told me he was always confused when I would IM him and ask, "What's up?" I've since changed my online greeting to my British friends to, "Alright?"
This is excellent haha
I lived in Eurpoe when I was much younger and while I noticed the cheek kissing, I didn't pay much attention and of course was not expected to know all the rules.
I want to live there again after University though and this is most helpful.
I'm in brazil and usually it's a one-kiss to the left, sometimes two, left-right. (:
thanks for the guide! :)
I LOVE the kiss greeting.
My first one, ever, was by an impossibly handsome Spanish guy outside Madrid airport (he was a friend of friends). I loved it! LOL. I wish it was in my culture, too.
hmm.........Europeans, yummy
Kissing to me should always be restricted to very close friends and family. Kissing a stranger is weird and awkward;I wouldn't do it even if it meant disrespect.
My aunt moved here from France over ten years ago, so she's getting more into the "American" thing; but she still kisses people on the cheek when she greets them. She only does so once, usually. I figure that when she visits her family in Europe she does more of the "typical greeting" for the area though.
This is so cool. I wish we had similar custom in the states.
This is interesting!
Ew, kissing is gross! = D
As I live in Scandinavia (Norway) it is usually a handshake here. We don't usually kiss, and if we do it's close family. :) Great to know how to act outside of Scandinavia though! ^^
What about the Irish?
@Daithi@xanga - I'll come over and test it out.
In fact, I think I'll test this whole entry out. Europe 2009!
In England, normally you kiss a friend on just the one cheek and normally the left. Except it's more like you touch cheeks and make the sound that any lip-skin contact.
I'm English and I have trouble with that :S
Great post, particularly found the regional France thing interesting. I'm going to travel there for a while so that'll be hard to adapt to!Â
Your UK one is wrong.
Shy is code for reserved and dignified, clearly ;) .
The majority of British people do not do the kissing on the cheek thing hardly ever. And even the ones that do just bump cheeks, kind of. It's complicated, ever so middle class, rare in the younger generations and not expected. And never ever, ever to someone who is not part of your family or a close friend/family friend.
And even then it's not exactly right. Of course you may respond to "How are you?" but the response is always, "I'm fine thank you, how are you?". Unless it is someone close who really cares about the answer.
It's not that clear cut, obviously, we're complicated and we change things on purpose.
Before I went to Korea, someone told me that Koreans don't wait in line... which I didn't understand (I grew up in England where our favorite pasttime is standing in line... but we call it "queuing up"). Actually, people DO stand in line in Korea, but there is such a high respect for your elders that it's always a shuffle to let the eldest and most respected go ahead of you. I love the tradition and I use it here in America, too.
I've studied intercultural communications widely for my degree, and I am always fascinated in the nuances of different cultures. I think the most intersting and uncomfortable for Americans are usually the proximity with which we foreigners like to stand to one another and the olfactories in general...
Great post! :)
@StarSeenFalling@xanga - I grew up in the West Country of England (live in the States now)... and "alright?" was perfectly new to me when I met a new friend (from Leeds). He calls me from England and says it and it baffled me. :0) But I did what you did and we are a lot less confused. He never wants an answer to it, he just says it to say hi :0) On the note about humor, I don't find very many American comedians funny. I guess it could be one of those things about how you grow up.
@ppaperbag@xanga - My family is the same. Always left, always once, and rarely actually a kiss, just a bump and usually a "muah" sound. (I'm an English transplant in the US).
I had to do the kiss thing when I went to Mexico for a mission trip. Well, there wasn't any actual lip contact, it was more just brushing cheeks and making the kissing sound. Which was weird to me. I mean, if your going to kiss, then kiss. Don't just pretend.
It was mostly the older people that I had to kiss, like when we went to church. It wasn't until my second year that I was kissed by a cute boy who was actually around my age because we visited a school. That wasn't so bad. ;)
This past summer we met a family from France who was staying with some friends of ours. We were soon introduced to the multiple kiss greeting.
hmm, i live in the netherlands and indeed three kisses are a must. this is mostly the case with family, and nowadays it is hip to greet your friends this way when you meet somewhere public (you don't do kissing in school). but whether you start on the right or left cheek isn't really an issue i think... actually, i do both, i think doing what springs forth out of the moment is best.
and indeed, we bump cheeks, make a kissing sound and might brush our lips on eachothers cheek, but it's not actually planting a kiss on someones cheeck for that will take to long and it's more like a muah-muah-muah-thing.
so when you say "right cheek first" do you mean i head leftwards towards them from my POV to hit the official right cheek if i was that person, or right cheek from my POV looking at them??? ;P
i was born in france, but moved to the us when i was eight. while i lived there and when i go back to visit friends and family we all did the two kiss greeting, except two guys never kiss, they shake hands.
its not that its annoying, its normal over there. its just gets annoying when youre at family reunions and have so many cousins, aunts, uncles, and then youre grandparents !
When I was in Puerto Rico everyone did a cheek bump one or two times strating combo with a hand shake, this was for both genders.
I am now living in Egypt in a small village. only people of the same gender kiss eachother. 3-6 times. on the each cheek, Some of the older women when in the presence of someone of a higher class or someone they want to honor they will clasp the persons hand (the right one) and kiss it on the outside hand (the other person in turn is to do the same thing) This is also done in 3-6 times. Because 3 is seen as a blessed number.